"When Fathers Fail"

Scripture Reading: Ephesians 6:1-8
Scripture Text: "...fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 (KJV)

The greatest and most important priesthood, I believe, next to Jesus... is that of being a Father. As a father of both boys and girls, I can tell you that a Father plays a very important role in the stability and well-being of a child both now, and in the future.

Does a father have to be a Christian to be a good dad? Well, I think our text today suggests to us a perfect "guideline" for Fatherhood and helps us to recognize that a Father cannot be "a father" by mere words or financial responsibility alone. Oh, I know there are a few kids that wish they just had a father that would just call once and a while and see to it that their needs were met; but in many parts of these United States, there are fathers who do not see their paternal responsibility as "key" to the growth and development of their children - and so that child is often left in a single-parent home and left to learn things they should have learned from dear old dad - out on the streets.

Still others are fortunate to have a father in the home, but there is no structure to their family relationship, so the "ideal" and "gift" of fatherhood is often lost in the daily shuffle.

Now, for those "dads" who have left their home and families, I am not sure that I would be able to reach you today, because I'm sure you would say there were (are) extenuating circumstances "beyond your control" that led you to leave and there's nothing you can do about it even now.

But for those of you who have decided that "through it all" you will not abandon your children, and while you wish you had more time to be a better dad, you're "at least there - and that's got to say something",... I do have more to say to you in hopes that you will hear me.

This past Monday I turned 57. My oldest child is 36 and my youngest is 26. My wife and I have four children - one of each. I say that out of jest, and yet it is so very true. Even though three of them are girls and one is a boy, they are better categorized as "our children". Children who have "individual" needs "individual" tastes, and have now sought out there ideals and individuality with success and with failure.

I have often taken the credit for their failures and I will admit that I have at times stood ten feet tall when they succeeded. But I never became a dad to then until I sought out their hearts. I have been unjust, unreasonable; unreachable and often when they were younger I didn't have a problem with very loud "open" public chidings. That's to my shame.

I have made indiscreet ｅxpressions or off-color jokes; I have showed partiality, and have even when they were younger spanked them out of anger - sometimes hitting them harder than they deserved. I have found myself to be emotionally cruel and used profane verbal language that was unbecoming of a father - let alone a Priest of the Home and (Pastor) of a church. one thing I can say is that I never abused them sexually or abandoned them. I have to admit though, why they love me is beyond me, but they do.

Now, my wife will tell you that I am being hard on myself. She will tell you as she has me - you were a good father Wayne; ...but we know, don't we dads. We know how we have belittled our kids and have chosen our own happiness over theirs at times. We know the times when we ditched this practice or that concert because we just weren't in the mood. "We" are the Fathers Paul is speaking to today. We may have a tendency to raise our voice against those "dead-beat" dads who abandoned their children, but a good many of us have done the same with children that are very possibly in the next room, and yet we haven't even told them "good morning" yet or that we loved them.

Dad, do you know what your child wants more than anything from you? Think about it. What did you want more than anything from your dad? The one thing your child wants from you, boy or girl, is to find favor in your eyes: to know you feel they are important! The last thing a child wants to do is to disappoint the one guy in this world who's opinion "of him" means more to him than life itself.

After many years of being a father and talking very candidly with my children "now" about our relationship while they were growing up - each of them said without reservation, to know that daddy thought well of them (and mama) meant everything in the world to them. on the other side of the coin, when they failed and didn't do so well, to be "understood" even though punished if need be, was the greatest gift a daddy could bring.

There is an awesome responsibility that comes with being a father. You see, your child has a longing deeper than the love for baseball, deeper than the love for football; deeper than life itself - to be accepted by "the old man". Fathers who decide to "correct" their children for their behavior, are Biblically sound in so doing, but father's who continually find fault, and make fun of and degrade their children, calling them stupid or incompetent, are creating a client that the state will have to care for probably the rest of their lives.

The true priest of the home will admonish, or reprove their children in such a way as to help them to see their relationship with their Heavenly Father, in light of their relationship to their earthly father. I have not always lived up to that standard when the kids were little - but I can't tell you how many times the Lord has likened my relationship with my son to my relationship with Him as my Heavenly Father.

In our day and age, and in fact in the past couple of decades, more and more women are having to be both mama, and daddy to their children. So our message today with regard to priesthood doesn't just lay at the doorstep of biological fathers, but includes the mothers as well.

One of the better examples we have of "priesthood" is found in Elkanah - Hannah's husband. He was compassionate about his family, and he saw to it that they were provided for. But he also took the responsibility of worshipping with them and praying with them. As was the custom of the day, he would sit with them in the cool of the evening, and talk about the goodness of the Lord on their behalf. WOW! Wouldn't it be neat to have a dad like that... to be a dad like that?

We also see in the first two chapters of 1 Samuel that Elkanah did not try to keep his first born son by Hannah's womb. Samuel was promised to the Lord, and Elkanah saw to it that he was given to the Lord. Elkanah had waited many years for a son with Hannah, and now that he was born - not knowing at the time that they took him to the Temple, that he would ever have another by Hannah, he saw to it that Hannah's promise to give Samuel in ministry to the Lord (at the Tabernacle) for the remainder of his life, was fulfilled.

As fathers and mothers - "priests, and priestesses" of the home, we naturally have ambitions, and goals, and even dreams for our children. Consequently when they do not respond, we ride them and accuse them, and anger them, and alienate them. That, of course, is not what God intended. For if we are alienated with our children - we will also be alienated with God - and consequently - so will they. There cannot be any room in our hearts and minds for anger, or grudges of any kind.

Jesus Himself said in Mark 11:25...

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses". Mark 11:25 (KJV)

This has been a different sort of Sunday Message today, and dad, only you know about your relationship between you and your son or daughter. It is a proven fact that a child has a greater difficulty coming to Christ when they are at odds with their parents. So let me remind you of something the Lord has reminded me of on several occasions, Jesus looked beyond our mistakes and our shortcomings, and gave us "Himself" as a sacrifice so that we might have eternal life. The question he always asks me is "What will you sacrifice to see to it that your son or daughter has that same opportunity? Maybe if we start growing up and being more like Jesus, our children will too!

In closing let me say, that because of an alcoholic father - once a Pastor who left home and family when my sister and I were just 7 and 8, I remember passing every tavern and every flop house in my life looking for a man that "looked-like" my father. My father passed away a couple years ago (2006) a saved and very wonderful "spirit-filled" Christian. He became the man he should be, but he never became the father he needed to be - never tried even after we found each other once again after 38 years. Yes, he left this world as a Christian Man of God (of which I am thankful), but he was never able to be a father again because the moment was lost. While I called him dad, he knew as did I that what was lost was gone forever and could never again be recreated or rekindled. We were good friends, but Oh how I wish I could have remembered him as my father.

I want to leave you with a special message in song by Jack Holcomb that I found as a young man growing up, and I think you will agree with me, that if we fail in anything else in this world, we cannot fail at being a dad.

 

 

This is my Father's world, and to my listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father's world, the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white, declare their Maker's praise.
This is my Father's world: He shines in all that's fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father's world. O let me ne'er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father's world: why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!